Bonnie

<-- my 2nd short story Being an ice cream truck driver is often overlooked as being a serious career. That really toots my horn. Day in and day out I have to put up with those noisy rug rats waving their hands, sticky from God knows what, in my face. That’s beside the point; today began as any another day, trying to get through the daily grind. I suited up in my Styrofoam ice cream costume and loaded up my freezers with the classics. And so my normal Saturday routine commenced. Things got funky really fast. By noon the temperature had tripled. The thermometer on my truck read 110 and rising. I moved from destination to destination, the hours peeled away. The sweat slid down my back and collected in a puddle at my feet. I sloshed around my truck just trying to get by. Finally I arrived at my last stop, the beach. It would be the hardest one of the day, but things get worse before they get better, right? Wrong. Slowly I felt my truck sinking beneath me. I thought I was having a mirage from the heat. Drip, drip, drip. Droplets of my truck landed upon my head.

__**WRITING PROJECTS TO BE EDITTED**__
(I dont deserve you critque) Dear Bonnie, I would start of saying that you are wrong and totally desrve him becasue you are just as awesome, if not more. I really love yoru writing style and the way it soeaks to the emotions and sense in the reader. For instance, when you describe "invisible sugar lingering on my lips after each kiss" ,the unique description creates a feeling within the reader and can almost taste it with you( if thats not creepy or anything). I really like your diction especially with "saturated" and "instantaneous bliss." So I looked through it a few times trying really hard to flaw and this is what I came up with:maybe talk a little more about the unique qualities (other than voice and sweetness) that make him so amazing...Why is he so amazing, Bonnie? I know, but does the reader. But hat critique is pushing it a little because I loved it so much and know that Jamie does too! Love, the fist champ AKA DJ fist pump AKA Michael Turow

(lazy critique) Dear Bonnie, Once again you dont' dissapoint! Every moment is complete, whether it is wuth great use of anomanapia("Swishhhh!") or with word choices that makes you feel like you taking this "jonrey" with him. You are seeing the world not only through his out-loud quotes but mainly through his thoughts, that paint a picture of his surroundings and a give the reader a true impression of how lazy( and happy with it) he really is. There was just a couple typos including "I my voice" in the end of the forth to last paragraph. I thought at first it use a little more plot elements like the usually important climax, but I see that the lack of that is what makes the story so pure for its purpose. It would be kindve to see where his life would go(just a thought for the future). Love, Michael "I finally have a prom date" Turow <<<<you just broke my heart into millions of pieces turow.

Dear BonBon, I really enjoyed reading "Relaxation." It was relatable and creative. You used the perfect comparisons! There were like two typos.. "It looks my toes with a fresh coat of polish. " ...but other than that it could be a famous poem! You are a really strong writer so NEVAH CHANGE GURL. Your poem made me smile...AND I LOVE TO SMILE! I hope you can find your relaxation one day! Don't worry-Be happy as my boy Bob always says. Love, Olivia :)

Dear bonnie, i read the poem "i dont deserve you" and it was amazing! at first i didn't quiet get why you would be saying kinda bad things about "the person you dont deserve" cough cough jamie. like, " To say you are the sweetest would be a lie," but at the end i realized, not everyone is perfect and even the person you really like you can still see their mistakes. and i really like that because most people would go on and on about how they are in love but no, you were different, you still showed compassion but pointed out flaws. you are an amazing writer. that poem touch my heart love kenzieee

hey there bonnie!

so the first piece i read was i don't deserve you and i was saying AWWW through it all. i think you did a good job capturing how you feel about this person but since you didn't use any specific names, the poem is almost universal. i know when i was reading it, i ended up thinking of someone in my life (or someone i wished was in my life haha) and i think that's a really good thing because you're not only giving the reader insight into your own life but you're making them think beyond the poem at the same time. my only concern/issue was with the line "and the night's my mind's saturated with you and just won't rest" (i think i typed that out correctly) just because i felt it was a bit too long/didn't flow with the other lines. i liked the idea you were trying to convey but maybe re-word it? (although this is one of your fixed form poems so its understandable that you had a line like this cause you had to somehow find a way to fit the rules and stuff) but overall i really liked this poem :)

~ Akhila

i'm not done yet,

i also read your poem famished and i was like THANK GOD SOMOENE ELSE KNOWS THIS FEELING because i literally want to eat all the time in every single one of my classes but i never have enough food to do so. i really like how you took one simple event and gave such a detailed description. i really like the last line when your fingers start scratching the desk cause they have no more food to eat! i think i see a pattern with your writing because both pieces i critiqued were universal because everyone could connect to it. i think that's your biggest strength as a writer; you're able to write about things that are personal to you in such a way that they become personal to other people. keep it up :)

~ akhila