Kenzie





Dear Kenzie, I just read "skydiving". I cant believe you actually did it. It must have been insane. You do an amzing job of describing a few key events including the moment right before you jump(" My head blocked out everything. I could not hear the engine, I could not hear the wind howling, I could not hear if Fred had to say anything important to me, my mind was at peace. ) and the "flying" itself, especially the parachute opening. I loved the "note to self" you added in a few times throughout. It helped bring the reader along with you in your thoughts. There were a few times that seemed like more telling than showing and could either be taken out or sligtly changed including the introduction, "The car came to a stop in the parking lot" and "My excitement turned into fear as I put on the red and black suit." Overall, great job!  Sincerely, Michael "All I do is pump my fist" Turow

P.s. Some men can be comforting. Let me know if u ever need to talk or just need a hug!

Dear Kenzie, I just read "Tonight you'll be set free." First thing, I now I feel the sudden urge to call up my dream girl and dance. I just got a prom date so I can wait a month for that. I love the choice of font that brings out the elegance in the atmosphere, while at the same time highlighting the importance and beauty of the moment. I really liked a few of your word choices, especailly the "sweaty plams" grabbing tight" and "fading through my fingertips.' There were a couple lines I didnt really understand becasue they were a little too abstract (funny coming from me): "filled me up like leaves on a tree" and "universe sight" There were a few instances, like when the DJ says "last dance" or when you hug that I felt you were just telling it me, while I want to feel it with it. Good job, though! Sincerely, Michael Turow "Sometimes I get a good feeling" Turow

Dear Kenzie, I read "tonight you'll be set free," and I really liked it! You used sensory images really well because I felt as if I was the going through your poem, experiencing everything you wrote about. It takes a really good writer to be able to do that...so NICE WORK BABE! YOU MAKE MAMA PROUD! It was deep and cute at the same time! You are a really strong writer, so I have nothing else to critique; also because I corrected it before you posted it on your Wiki....SO NOW IT IS PERFECT! Before, I made some grammar corrections and I fixed the parts that were somewhat confusing. I also matched up your verb endings, because before, they varied.Overall, I think you did a nice job and you made the reader fell as if they were experiencing the poem. GREAT JOB! Love, Olivia Dear Kenzie, I edited your poem with the line "Come and dance with me". I loved it! You are very good at transporting your reader to a different place. Your descriptions were vivid but not overdone. I also enjoyed that I could connect with your poem. Being a teenager who likes to party, I could understand everything your speaker was doing because I've been there myself. Good job with making a connections! The only small thing I would tweak about your piece is the line "Fading through my fingertips, embarassment was a guarentee." I feel like this line sticks out. I didn't quite understand why your speaker was embarrassed! Maybe you could make this clearer throughout the earlier parts of the piece, or just take it out completely. Otherwise, this piece was really great! YOU ROCK Sincerely, Bonnie

dear kenzie, i read your poem about the dancing it was pretty good but i did not really understand it... ofcoruse if you were just showing the randomness then i sort of get the picture. now i do understand that the girl is dancing with her boyfriend or something, but the setting seemed to be like a rave or atleast a party were random guys and girls get together and dance. but other then the setting, the piece was artisticly done and flowed well. i liked the oveall results. sincerely, luke

Dear Kenzie, I read your poem about dancing, and can I just say I thought it was very well done, albeit short. It flowed very nicely, almost like the lyrics to a song. Although a couple of lines stood out for me, such as the one about embarrassment. While the poem does flow into each line very well, I'm not sure I understand why that line was necessary to add in. As well as "universe sight", as it doesn't make much sense. Overall I think it's quite lovely and you're a very good poet. I also read your story about skydiving, it was intense. It must have been fun, even though the whole idea terrifies me. I'm going to go ahead and be nitpicky about the grammar, there are //many// spelling and grammar errors that could easily be remedied. " My heart quicken to frenzy" should be "My heart quicken//ed// to //a//frenzy". " We looked at each other and all my dad just did a huge smile and open the car door." Should be "We looked at each other and all my dad did was just a huge smile and opened the car door." And so on.

Sincerely, Katie

