Erin



Persona Piece: (If you've read the Chronicles of Narnia, please read this!)

Genre Story:

=Improv Story: =

“…Who am I?” “What?” The man blinked at her. “Who am I? Who are you? Where are we?” The woman stared at him. “...Is this supposed be a joke, Leah? Because it’s not very funny…” The man turned back to the flat surface with a hole in it. Water was coming out a pipe, and pouring onto these flat little discs that the man was scrubbing with a little yellow square. Fascinating! “Weren’t you just talking about your computer issues?” “IT’S NOT A JOKE!” The woman screamed and slapped the man’s shoulder. The man crashed headfirst into the flat surface with extraordinary force. “So I’m Leah.” The woman pondered, walking away from the man’s bleeding body. “I wonder where this is?” She examined her surroundings- there were six large planes around her, with weird things mounted on them. She curiously picked up a small, white object with a shiny top and stared at it. Suddenly, it collapsed into little pieces, falling to the bottom plane in little grains. “What was the purpose of that?” she scoffed. The noise from the water was starting to annoy her. Leah walked around a large, rectangular box in the center of the bottom plane and through a gap in one of the side planes. Then she saw something nice. “Woah!” Leah rushed to the far side of the new box she was in. There was another gap, one farther up the plane, and on the other side of it were things with very vivid, pleasing colors: green on the bottom and a pretty light blue on the top. A thick, dark gray line separated the little green spikes coming up from the bottom. Leah watched in awe as different colored boxes zoomed by on the line; this must be a world of boxes! Leah climbed over a long, brown soft box and tried to put her foot into the gap. “What the-“ She couldn’t go through. What was this!? Some sort of invisible plane blocking her? Leah ground her teeth, looking for another way to get through to the other side. There was none. “ROOARRR!” Leah kicked through the invisible thing and ripped her way through to the pretty colors. Once there, she inhaled deeply. The air was different- fresher, cooler. “M…MOMMY!” Leah turned back towards the house. Two little versions of the man she had slapped cowered on the other side of the broken invisible thing. “Daddy’s hurt! He’s bleeding!” “Who’s Daddy?”Leah asked, curious. One of the little men seemed to notice the broken thing for the first time. “W… wow Mommy!” He exclaimed, “You’re really strong! You’re like superman!” “…Okay.” Leah turned and saw one of the boxes she had seen zooming by. This one was still. Excitedly, Leah ran to it and, with a sense of déjà vu, grabbed the little indent in the side of the box. Half of the plane swung open. She launched herself inside onto another soft box. “Mommy, where are you going?” The little men called after her. She ignored them and studied the circular object in front of her. How did the men in the other boxes make them move so fast? She was struck with a sudden idea. She punched through the floor with her feet and gripped the circle. Grunting, she pushed the whole box backwards. “Yeah! This works!” Leah panted happily. She turned the box onto the gray line, which seemed to go on forever. Slowly she gained momentum until she was running. “I RULE!”

Dear Erin, Your story was really interesting, I have never read anything like it. It's really cool that you have your own style, unlike anyother! One line that stuck out to me was, "Leah watched in awe as different colored boxes zoomed by on the line; this must be a world of boxes!" It gave alot of insight into your main character's mindset. You created a very well-developed character, so good job! At some points in your story though, I felt very lost. I wasn't very sure of the plot, this could have been from that your paragraphs jumped around alot and didn't flow as well as they could have. I think you have the lay out for a very cool story, it just needs some tweaking here and there! Sincerely, Bonnie

Photos: I couldn't pick a photo out of these, so I'm just going to paste the link: http://www.impactlab.net/2006/03/09/amazing-3d-sidewalk-art-photos/