Joyce

http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLFB0E756A439F93A6
 * Found Story:**

Marry the Light feedback Dear Joyce, I enjoyed the poem, but I think if you altered the structure a bit more such as splitting the stanzas it would work better, the poem won't feel as jumboed together such as having "Daily rituals plea for light to stay" be the start of it's own new stanza. Since after I read it, it felt as if it didn't really go with the line above it, like it was starting its own new idea. Also there were a few lines I didn't understand such as "melting hearts to queasy honey" and "obsessions like the moon" I don't quite think i'm getting the understanding I should be from those two lines. I think a few good lines you did have though were "night racing towards day" and "The Golden Hour spotlights the world".

Sincerely, Jibin Bread feedback Dear Joyce, After reading this story, I felt in some areas that it was a bit rushed. Such as the part where Flora says she'll take the job if Victoria was looking for inspiration. I thought that Flora lived on a hill and Victoria downhill, so how could Flora hear what Victoria said when they were nowhere near each other? But I thought you're ending was very funny and wrapped things up pretty well, it's just that some of the events eem to happen a bit to fast and maybe you could elaborate a tiny bit more.

Sincerely, Jibin.

Dear Joyce,

Your descriptions in "Sick" are really spot on. I especially like "snazzy snot marathon" and the "honking musicians and catalysts aplenty" because they were interesting and unique, yet competely accurate. I might have missed an allusion in the first stanza, with nosy Tom--is that a reference to something? Maybe you could make it a bit clearer. Also, I'd love to see you develop the "bare canvas" stanza more; you could do a lot with that and right now I'm not exactly sure what you're going for with it! The only other thing I can say is that "burning ice" and "comfortable" don't really mesh in my mind, but that might have been a stylistic choice on your part. This poem really made me recall some of the pains of being sick, which means it's really effective. Great job!

Sincerely, Erin