Olivia

Dear Olivia, In regards to your story “23 Again”, I really liked the idea. The problem is your sentence structure didn’t really vary at all, and you had a few minor grammatical issues. The characters were interesting, but it seemed a little unrealistic that someone would spend that much money on a psychic in a ghetto. Still, you managed to make the situation sound not entirely ridiculous. The idea that someone could switch bodies with a younger person didn’t feel as ridiculous as it normally would. So overall the storyline was interesting, but admittedly I did not enjoy the writing as much as I felt I should. Sincerely, Mollie

Dear Olivia, The second piece I had to read was “I Love College”. The one thing I thought you did //really// well was how clearly you brought across the personality of the main character, and the fact that you had the relatable classic event of a parent embarrassing the kid. Unfortunately, as with the other piece of yours I read, the writing itself was rather bland. I think a greater variety in word choice might help. And in the paragraph where his mom comes into his dorm and they talk, there were a few grammatical issues such as indenting and forming new paragraphs. Sincerely, Mollie

Dear Olivia, Your "Stress" poem was incredible. Its flow was smooth and it progressed beautifully. I especially liked the line about the ocean with the rocks at the bottom. You took such a calming loveable thing as the ocean, and pointed out its flaws which was a really interesting perspective. I also liked all the sensory images you had going on throughout the piece. I could taste the sour candies making my lips pucker and the week old fast food festering in my stomach. Great job creating these images so vividly. The only thing i would change about your poem is that it needs some punctuation! Add some commas and periods to break it up a little. SO GOOD! Sincerely, Bonnie

Dear olivia, i read the poem stress. and the first sentence caught me,"The feeling of a sumo-wrestler who won’t get off your back" its funny but gets the point across perfectly. i can really relate with the whole poem cuz its junior year and we have so much work! the poem tone was disgust to me and stress is very digusting. so you did a good job of making the reader feel how you want them to. the line i dont get is, "That has just broken down when time is running out" im not entirely sure of what you are refering too. but other than that is was short and sweet and got the point across!!! love kenz

= LINK TO FOUND STORY! (on behalf of Bonnie, Michael, and Kenzie as well): = [|https://twitter.com/#!/SybengaProject]