Danielle



__Found story:__

__ Jake: July 3th, 2011 10:21 PM __ Subject: I love you: please come back

Dear Hannah,

I am so sorry! Please forgive me… I didn’t mean for it to happen like this.

Love always, Jake

__ Hannah: July 4th, 2011 2:30 AM __

Subject: Never in a million years

Jake, It’s never gonna happen. Get over yourself.

Sincerely,

Hannah

__ Jake: July 7th, 2011 3:42 PM __ __ Subject: Time to spill the beans __

My love Hannah, You don’t have to believe me but you do have to listen to my side of the story. Bottom line, it was my cousin, Jessica, I had my arm around at the mall last week! I am so sorry for the misunderstanding.

Yours forever, Jake

__ Hannah: July 8th 2:45 PM __

Subject: Shoot!

Dear Jake,

Now I feel stupid.

Love,

Hannah

__After A Busy day__

She was comfortable. As the wind slowly made its way to the Countryside, she could feel the layers of tall grass, almost shivering. The air was soft, insinuating the subtle and relaxed, but still appropriate mood for the evening. The morning had been hectic. There were errands to run, people to meet, and tasks to accomplish. Unfortunately, she had a tendency to take on more than she could handle in this instance. Now, it was time to breathe. Take a load off and enjoy the beauty of nature, while being far away from any source of distraction. __Phone__ off, who would call her now, anyways? The computer in her tiny, Southern-style, home, that lay a mile down the path. No people, just Loneliness. But, interestingly enough, she enjoyed it.

Reading. Novels have always been her way of staying in touch with herself. The parts of her she had lost along the way. Whenever she needed a place to turn, she turned to a book. There was nothing else to it.

Soon enough, the sky darkened. The only good thing about trudging back home in the pitch black was the stars. The simple joy that made the hardships she would encounter more bearable. Finding the brightest star, she made a wish that this evening would never end. But of course, not all wishes come true. The evening drew to a close, and she was still alone, utterly alone. But she was content.





Dear Danielle, After reading your story “Still Comfortable”, I was surprised to find I actually really liked it and think it has the potential to be extended into a longer story. The ending feels like a chapter ending rather than a story ending, but I liked it as much as I liked the rest (which was a lot). The description of the scenery, without being over explanatory, got a clear sense of the climate and setting into my head. The transition from the porch to the line about her being heartbroken was a little dramatic, as she hadn’t shown that much hurt on the porch so it was hard to tell how hurt she was till you actually stated it. Other than that, it was good. Sincerely, Mollie

Baby __Steps__: By Danielle Koval

Pride fills the parent’s hopeful eyes As their little girl toddles down the burgundy living room carpet For the very first time

She kneels down and __looks__ straight, but no surprise Change has not gotten the __best__ of her Pride fills the parent’s hopeful eyes

“Oh, how the days do fly by” The parents exclaim with a smile; she has conquered her very first step For the very first time

She grasps tight to both her mothers hands, then is given a try She falls to the floor, then gets right back up again For the very first time

The parents watch as her persistence is at full time high But there are no guarantees as she wobbles and trips For the very first time

The future brings many new steps, which we are eager to take But we don’t see the beauty like the little girl does As her parents bring in a sigh of relief for her accomplishments For the very first time

Dear Danielle, I love that you tackled the __idea__ of a baby's first steps! It was a very sweet, and innocent piece. I especially enjoyed the line " 'Oh, how the days do fly by' ". It is a powerful line, although a short line, because it triggers a feeling everyone has felt at one point or another. So good job connecting with the reader! I think your last paragraph could use some editting however. I understand the point you are trying to make, but it comes off a little bit awkward. You changed into third-person in this paragraph, which strays away from the other voice you used in the earlier parts of the poem. I'd stick to either first, or third person, don't use both. Also, the third line of that paragraph is a little too long, I think you could convey the same message in fewer words and it'd be even more effective. Otherwise, great piece! Sincerely, Bonnie

Dear Danielle, "Baby Steps", now that is a precious idea right there! The repeating lines you have going, "Pride fills the parent's hopeful eyes" and "for the very first time" as wonderful - they carry well throughout the entirety of the poem, and suit each individual line they follow. I found that to be the most difficult thing for me when writing a poem in this structure, so kuddos to you! I must say though that I find the majority of the lines throughout the poem to be too lengthy, and that had a tendency to distract me from the underlying images of the poem. If you cleaned them up a tad, your poem would be both a neater and stronger piece. As a mere example: "She grasps tight to both her mothers hands, then is given a try She falls to the floor, then gets right back up again" could be changed to: Grasping tight to mother's hands, she is given a try Yet again finds the floor, getting up again But hey, find your own voice and keep at it =) Beautiful work! Sincerely, Alexa