Falon

Dear Falon,  The imagery of the sun, waves, and ambiance of the setting in //The Beach//, is fantastic. Not only does it communicate a physical, sensory reality, but it gives insight into the character about how they view the world. For example, the detail that the protagonist doesn’t like the beach because they crave something more unorthodox goes a long way into painting the character. I definitely felt shades of The Stranger here, with the intense heat of the sun constantly highlighted. However, when the setting is of such vital significance, particularly once we get to the ending and realize what the piece is truly about, it is very important to be consistent. There were a few places where I felt that details didn’t match up (warm breeze and then cool breeze). Secondly, as this piece isn’t very plot heavy, it feels a little too long. I wanted to know exactly the reason for the three boys, or where they were and why and only when the last boy shows up do you get an idea for that. Otherwise, it was a thoughtful story. Sincerely, Evan Rindler

Dear Falon,  Your introspective piece about the eventual end of Breaking Borders had me question my own attitude towards transitions after high school. What about my band? Am I really paying enough attention towards the people I won’t see much anymore? Maybe. There is something to be said for that mindset, and I’m glad you represent it. However, just as you rage that cliché’s seem to be the only things that describe your problems, I felt that you used some vague or abstract ideas to describe how you felt. Touches like the “pardon my French” bit showed far more personality than other sections. My suggestion? Instead of writing a description, write a song about it. Angry, mournful, whatever, what a better way to say goodbye to your band? Sincerely, Evan Rindler



Dear Falon,

You've got this really nonchalant voice in this piece, but not really truly disinterested. It feels quite authentic and makes for a pretty relatable character. However, the story sort of ties up too neat to be actually real, as just when the young woman thinks she would be more humane if news happened to affect her, she gets into one such situation. Of course, being fiction, this is entirely forgivable but it ends up a bit at odds with her detached groundedness. Also, the flow can sometimes be a bit awkward, with a comma sort of disrupting the rhythm of the piece, or the use of the semi-colon. Definitely not a misusage, but it's rare enough in dialogue (at least for me) that it takes me out of the story a tad. A good way to improve the flow is to read the comas as pauses, as that's what readers without a concrete grasp on your style of writing would do. There are one or two typos, but it's relatively easy to determine the original meaning and mostly are minor things easily fixed. All in all, a very good piece that can be improved a smidgen more.

Sincerely, Stella Li



Dear Falon,

I know exactly the feeling that you're describing in Breaking Borders, and in the way you describe it (the village, and the rhetorical questions) you hit it exactly on the head. The voice of the narrator is so clear and flows so well, even though you don't "describe" her at all, which I love, and I like that in the end, you didn't try to reconcile the actual band because that would be unrealistic--the way you ended it was perfect and truthful. There is really nothing I dislike about this piece.

Sincerely, Erin

PS- I second Evan's "write a song" suggestion.