Luke



media type="file" key="Luke sounds (3).wav"



Hit and Run? “Did he die?” now I know that this wasn’t my fault… I mean he just jumped out of nowhere. I step out of my Toyota to the stench of burnt rubber, my nose cringed and eyes inverted, as you can see, it smelled bad. I’m sorry to say that the first thing I checked was the damage on my car. I looked around finally discovering the body that I had hit, “good... it’s intact, do I dare get closer?” yes, I don’t know what possessed me to get closer, but I did. I checked the body, he was still breathing, but not for long… so I got the heck out of there! A week later I am surprised to discover that the man I had hit was being buried in my front yard…”one hard scene to describe after another… just what the heck happened?”

Dear luke, the first sentence was very catchy. It made me want to keep reading. the poem was intense and i wanted to keep reading. I like how you said, "im sorry to say that the first thing i checked was the damage to my car". that shows a lot about the character and you didn't even say that much. I don’t understand though why the gu y would be getting buried in his front yard. that just was not clear to me. besides that it was short and sweet! -kenzie Dear Luke,

Your short graphic novmedia type="file" key="Luke sounds (3).wav"el “Heart Stone” had all the elements of fantasy (a hero on a quest, multiple trials, an artifact that holds untold power, etc.) and great illustrations to boot. I thought your approach to the protagonist was interesting; he was not as morally pure as the archetypal hero, which added to the quality of the story. It seemed that the pages you scanned were cut off on the right side (at least at the beginning of the story, describing the heart stone), though. You labeled it a draft, and I would like to see the epic of Justin’s journey when it is completed.

SIncerely, Leo

Dear Luke,

The story you wrote for the warm-up had an interesting premise but needs more development. You did a good job showing and not telling, but then you would tell anyway (ex. “ the stench of burnt rubber, my nose cringed and eyes inverted, as you can see, it smelled bad”). Great description but unnecessary to include the “it smelled bad.” I think it would make a good story starter and like to see a finished piece, if you choose to write one.

Sincerely, Leo