Yasmine



Swirling looping dancing, she arced through the endless blue waters, her arms swaying like snakes. Small white bubbles emerged from her mouth as she laughed, and grew bigger as she coughed and spluttered. //This is harder than it looks.// She bit her lip and tried to stay afloat without actually swimming. Her hips were tired of moving back and forth, and she missed having legs. The mantra her mother always repeated made its way into her head: //be careful what you wish for//. She’d wished and wished and wished to become a mermaid – they seemed so graceful and perfect, sliding between angelfish and algae as if they were fish themselves, with slick, shiny hair that glistened in the sunlight. And when they emerged, they would smile, captivating any mortal who was stupid enough to stop and watch. Their tails were just like she’d read in fairytales as a child, but better: they began at the waist, skin and scales merging together, then widened into hips before tapering out. The two ends were flimsy, only a couple of millimeters thick really, and waved vulnerably as they swam. She’d wanted to be one of them, elegant and beautiful, able to seduce anybody. And now that she was, all she wanted was to go back. The mermaids shunned her because her nose was too big and her eyes too small – it was strange how shallow they were; kind of like high school girls – and she couldn’t very well walk onto land with this tail, could she? And she was hungry. Her gills, papery slits on either side of her neck, were uncomfortable to use, and she had to resurface every few seconds. She couldn’t spiral down into the deep like they did. She regretted it now, regretted everything that had happened.

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Genre Story:

The Night’s Watch

I am the watcher on the wall. Along with my brothers a lifetime I stay, Should the Others come to call.

The living dead kill, they rip, they maul, But I will never be their prey: I am the watcher on the wall.

Without me the realm would fall; Neither king nor peasant would see another day Should the Others come to call.

At seven hundred feet stands the Wall, proud and tall, But should the icy mass give way I am the watcher on the wall.

Together we stand, chaos we forestall, But our steel would seem child’s play Should the Others come to call.

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; display: block; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Lackwit or sharp, hulking or small <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; display: block; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">We stand at our posts, and for our lives we pray; <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; display: block; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">We are the watchers on the wall <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; display: block; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Here when the Others come to call.

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; display: block; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">The Hero of the Mushroom Kingdom <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">His mustache and typical name suggest <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">His European roots – but I digress. <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">This plumber must defeat the villain thrice <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Each and ev’ry time he will demand the price <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Of a golden key to unlock the doors <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">That will continue his task – but before <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">His quest to save a damsel in distress <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Who happens to be a pretty princess <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Can come to an end, he must face the likes <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Of Bob-ombs, Goombas, Koopa Troopa – yikes! <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">He runs or crawls or swims and pushes on <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Through Whomp’s Fortress and even Big Boo’s Haunt <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Through Hazy Maze Cave and Shifting Sand Land <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">And even if something should go unplanned, <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Our hero will have his lucky red hat - <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">And sometimes he can even stop to chat <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">With his small friend, the mushroom-headed Toad <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Whose advice may at times lighten the load <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Our plumber bears; after all, he must guard <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">The lovely princess by collecting stars. <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">If he succeeds, the princess will bestow <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Upon his lips a kiss that makes him glow <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">And she will bake a cake for our hero <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Of Mushroom Kingdom – Super Mario.

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Roadkill

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Crunch, and it’s gone

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">As quick as it came

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Leaving a dark red trail

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">and the acrid stench of

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Death,

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Baking in the harsh sun.

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Rough dark pavement

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Absorbing sticky blood

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Leaking from the splayed carcass,

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Spread-eagled on the black expanse

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Of the 270.

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Bones turned to dust, stained fur

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Hardened in the heat, orifices

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Ridden by hungry maggots -

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Eyes staring, staring at

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Nothing.

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">It was too late to slow down,

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">It was safer to keep going.

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Python Reticulatus

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">She’s menacingly beautiful,

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Her dark flinty eyes catching my own.

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Slowly, she advances, curves accentuated by

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Her graceful to-and-fro rhythm;

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I can’t help but notice her tongue, smooth and pink

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Between her jaws. My eyes travel

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">The length of her body, the sunlight caught

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">In her smooth brown skin.

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">She turns away from me, pursuing another -

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I can’t say I’m disappointed.

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Her prey squeaks in fear,

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Scrambles away

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Heart pounding, threatening to escape

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Its bony cage.

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">She seems to smirk, almost,

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Knowing he’s captivated,

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Knowing he’s terrified,

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Knowing he’s hers.

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Swiftly, soundlessly, she

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Closes the distance,

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Wrapping herself around him

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">In an intimate dance.

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">He shakes, struggles, cries out,

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Until he can’t.

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Until he surrenders, with a sigh, to

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Her scaly embrace.


 * Dear Yasmine,**
 * I love your writing! It's so expressive and your stories and poems usually end in a surprise! I like your mermaid descriptions a whole lot- looping, swirling etc. They really give me a sense of Ariel-esque behavior. I like that you made it very fairy-like and then told us that the girl in the story didn't actually want to be a mermaid! I want to know more about the mother, though. She said "be careful what you wish for", something all mothers say. But maybe give a bit more context? Even that is merely your call, though. I also read the one about Road Kill. How awkward, when I was driving home today, I passed a dead squirrel. I've seen tons and tons of dead squirrels before (I live in Dufief) but this one was bad. And your description of it was SPOT-ON! But to proceed further with the actual poem, the vulture literally ate at my insides. No pun intended! It made me think of the Dragon-Donkey complex from Shrek... But less funny. I loved that you used the language of a love story. It was brilliant! great job!**
 * Sincerely,**
 * Vani**

Dear Yasmine, I actually really, really liked Thistlepaw. It felt very much like the start of a world worth reading, with the concise description and exposition that wasn't forced at all. There was a lot of exposition through action and inner musings, and even though there was telling it was not at all detrimental and worked quite well with the style. There were a few minor typos that could be easily fixed with a little editing, and some things could be worded better for clarity (as always), but I think it's got a lot of potential. The Hero of Mushroom Kingdom spoke to my inner geek and I have to say you captured the essence of the game. The essence of face-stomping enemies and rescuing princesses. However, some lines did seem to go on long enough to grow more awkward and clumsy, so that would be a good thing to keep in mind when writing any kind of poetry. Or story in general, really. Sincerely, Stella