Grace

Dear Grace, For the Peer Feedback assignment, I read “Ghost For Love”, and honestly, I think it is the best piece of work of yours that I have read so far. It was intriguing and the descriptions of her needing air, and the ‘brick’ being lifted off her chest were really good. You had a few grammatical issues, and I didn’t really like the ending, but during beginning and middle I was like “holy crap, this is a really good story!”. I think at the end if you had extended her seeing him with more than just the single sentence, it would’ve been even better. Sincerely, Mollie

Dear Grace,

For your second piece I read “The Endless Journey”, and between that and “Ghost for Love” I’m really liking your short stories, but I do have a few critiques. First of all, I thought the end was too fast, but I adored the plot. If it was a full length novel I would definitely read it. There were also a few grammatical issues, but just minor ones that I assume were typos like accidental lower case letters at the beginning of sentences. I loved the characters, but the talking animals came in kind of randomly, and I was like “what?”, so maybe if you had provided a little introduction into the type of village it was, the story would’ve run smoother.

Sincerely,

Mollie

Dear Grace,

It is clear that you enjoy writing about magical themes and plotlines. The stories //The Endless Journey// and //A Mermaid’s Tail// both immerse the reader in a world of mythical elements, and provide interesting plots relating to the supernatural. I found your separation of the number remaining in //The Endless Journey// as an interesting method of plot progression. Additionally, I found that you successfully gave a detailed description of the world that these people were involved in. I would suggest however, that you spend slightly more time in explanation of the world, as much of the information is thrown at the reader at the same time. Your story //A Mermaid’s Tail// gave a story of magic and the unknown, and provided a believable supernatural story. This story I found to be a bit cliché and while it did have good plot progression, it played out in a predictable manner. I would suggest that you put an interesting twist in such stories to move it away from the cliché designs. The advice I would give you for both of these stories is to try not to move through events too quickly. Both stories had descriptions of certain events, but seemed to jump between them with one or two sentences of explanation. I acknowledge that these parts are unimportant to the story, but I believe that more detail in these transitions would both make the story more interesting, and keep the reader’s attention.

Sincerely,

Frank Maldarelli

I am planning on doing a film video with music in the background. I'm going to use my camera to capture the scenes than use VideoPad to combine the clips together. The storyline is about a girl who runs away from home after getting in a fight with her sister. In the end she ends up going home. Link: []